So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And then my night got REAL pukey
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
