She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
