And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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