watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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