how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize