wanna go halves on a baby?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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