im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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