Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
