Can i not drive my cunt home
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
