Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
