I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
