never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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