last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
