just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
