I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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