if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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