you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
