Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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