I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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