Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
