i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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