I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
