She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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