He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
