just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
