i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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