then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
