Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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