he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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