I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
