I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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