i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Someone shattered a urinal.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Enjoy the penises
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
