matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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