No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
