If that was your dad, he is hot
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
