This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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