how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
