I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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