I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
