she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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