last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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