Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
