I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize