It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
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He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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