woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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