she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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