We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
