The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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