dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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