She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
