Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's rum buckets o'clock
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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