I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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