So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Randomize
