Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
