She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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