Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
