woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
